A plan for the week ahead!

I am getting away from my past this post, I need to put this out there to help me solidify it and hold me accountable. So, if anyone is reading and knows me, sees me post on my message boards, or on facebook- please feel free to kick me in the pants if I get off track too much!

So, a bit of history on why I am posting this- When I met my husband, I was a kid, ok well not a kid kid, but a kid! I was only 19, we went on a few dates and he was nice and all, but I don't know, something was missing- he was a college guy and only home for the summer, so I guess we both were a bit whatever ish to the relationship. It wasn't until the following June, that we really began to date and have a relationship. When we met, I was thin, fit and full of life. Heck, I was 19, who at 19 doesn't have those things, lol! Anyway, I always had body image issues and they did not stop when we met, I fluctuated in my weight, but not by more than 20 pounds and even then I was still fit and relatively thin. When we got engaged, a long 7 years later;), I was the heaviest I had ever been. I went to weight watchers and lost 28 pounds and pretty much kept it off- gaining 5-10 here and there, but that was my normal weight, the 28 pounds brought me to a weight I had not been at in a long time and therefore was hard for me to maintain that weight. The day I got married, I was a comfortable size 8-10 and was HAPPY with myself, sure I wished I was more shapely, but still I was happy, I loved the way I looked in my gown and I felt pretty.

In the next 3 years I gained and gained, and never really changed that much of what, how, how much, I ate, and was still had pretty much the same activity level, as a matter of fact at one point I was working out a lot and still was not losing weight. I was frustrated. I started to have a lot of anxiety and just could not get a grip. I felt out of control. I went to the doctor about one year into my marriage and nothing was wrong, but I felt off and was not happy with a lot of things. Then, my boss at work one day up and quit and I took over the program and the stress was unbelievable. I did that for a year and then was so frustrated with my staff and the commute that I found what I thought would be a better opportunity. It was also around this time, June 2005, that I found out I was hypothyroid and thought that I would finally start to feel better. HA! I was wrong, I thought going on synthroid and having a new job closer to home, would help me. NOPE! I was wrong, this job was WORSE! I mean the worst I have ever had and it was so stressful and the pounds stayed on- I was bad about bringing lunch, I worked with a lot of heavy people and I was not as active at this point and I took on their eating habits and that was not good. There were no healthy choices around my office and the stress was so high that I would crash when I got home and ate very emotionally.

Then in November I got pregnant with Kieran, it was surprise, but we welcomed it. I really did not gain that much with my pregnancy until the end when I swelled up like a puffer fish,lol! Anyway, Kieran was born and he had a bunch of complications and I lost almost all but 5 pounds of the weight I gained with the pregnancy, but from the stress of having a newborn with complications and seizures to breastfeeding issues, I fell off the weight loss wagon and had what they called late onset post partum depression. Then he turned one and we got more news that there were issues surrounding his birth complications and I just could not deal and went to my emotional eating habits and I was mainly sedentary. All of which did not help! FINALLY, we got a clean bill of health for my baby boy, and I went back to work PT and things were going well- I went back to weight watchers, for probably the zillionth time and it was working, then I would falter, then back, then fall, then back and so on and so forth-

Now, here we are today- he is 2.5 and I have NO excuses, but myself defeating ways- but I am tired of them and want to get on with life. We have a bunch of stuff going on right now that is stressful, but we are taking it day by day and hopefully we will be pregnant with our second baby sometime this summer/fall. However, until then I am determined to drop some of this weight- I have a total of 70 pounds to lose, but would love to lose 40 by the time I get pg again.
So, today, I went food shopping and bought lots of good stuff and will start to prepare healthy meals again- I have been slowly cleaning out all the bad food in the house and I started to go to the gym again. I am taking up SPINNING! it is fun, invigorating and very challenging! I have one great instructor so that helps! But, my pledge is to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time and one pound at a time! I ate a good dinner, had a few too many Easter treats(which are going in the trash when Kieran goes to sleep) but i have my spin class tomorrow and that always motivates me to do better during those days!

Anyway, this was a jumbled post- but if you see me lose it or get discouraged, just remind me of this it is a journey and journeys are not quick so keep the faith and all good will happen!
:)